Wednesday, October 6
*sniffle* thank you ally. nice to know i'm not alone. feels like i am, and it's of my own doing. me and my so-called lethal tongue. well it's less lethal than it was 3 years ago anyway. i know i should be grateful i can even go to sa. maybe i'm just being ungrateful as usual, and unappreciative. but in all honesty, i'm considering a certain backdoor. i should think you know what i mean. all of you. kinda obvious right? the only thing that's stopping me is the knowledge of what people will say. you know, bitch about me and all, blah de blah. shall reconsider when it's time to apply. ally i believe you, you know that? i hate it when people don't believe me. you just want to pound your reasoning into their heads. don't pound mine. i believe you. but you know what? i also believe you're capable of so much more. so keep praying, and your dreams will come true.
today was our last chapel. my gosh it was hilarious... couldn't stop laughing at them. i wonder if they realise exactly how amused the seniors were. oh well, juniors. blah. haha. they'll grow up someday. these two weeks are going to be bittersweet. well, 7 days. all these 'last' things. last time we'll walk through those doors, and slide across the sheeni-powedered floor. last time we'll get to rest our heads on the table before school. sit in little circles giggling. how come we don't act like we're stressed? no wonder the teachers want to strangle us. the truth is, we are. we just like to relax sometimes. last time we'll get to taste canteen food. we'll miss the diluted curry. there's something beautiful about leaving with dignity. bittersweet. we must must must take loads of pictures! and when i'm old and wobbly-kneed (oh wait i already am. jean don't push me in the morning anymore, kae, unless you like seeing me disintegrate), i'm going to take out those faded, fingerprint-smudged kodak moments and show them to my grandkids. by then the bitterness would have faded too, leaving only the sweetness. no matter what i get for o's. disappointment cannot mar the rose-tinted memory i hold of our class. i've already more or less forgotten what it's like to lash out in fury at the class for being naughty, ie gotten me into trouble. haha. was i really so strict? no wait, don't answer that question. these last days.. i hope nothing spoils them..
checked my cca record. thank heavens she made the changes! i almost exploded when i saw the paper for the first time. like thanks a lot for missing out half the stuff i did! none of my badges, monitress etc. so now i've got 7 distns plus cca if i remember my eng oral marks correctly. i'm going to change all those 2s to 1s. i must. my health's going already. i know it's impt, but i've sacrificed everything already, i can't stop halfway. i'll give it up. back on medication. i don't care what it takes, i must keep awake. about my semi fainting spells, don't worry. medication should help. we'll see.
it must've been love.
8:08 pm
xoxo
